Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The adults are the big ones right?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
