NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
even my farts smell like vagina
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
