i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
