you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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