So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
