I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
