i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
