He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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