I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
