Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
