Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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