Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
