just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
