Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
