Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She even gives head with a lisp.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
