I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ttyl tear gas
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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