did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this boner is exhausting
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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