..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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