Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
