The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
