If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
