im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
