piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
