dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
