Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
