Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
