Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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