he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Someone shattered a urinal.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
