you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
