dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
