im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
