Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
