Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
