how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
