I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
