I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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