I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
