I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
