she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When did angry sex become our thing?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
