Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
