i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
