No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
