Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
