smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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