I want to walk on stilts...naked
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
