highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
