i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
