I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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