I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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