scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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