I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
