P.S. I can't hear my feet
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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