How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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