dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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